Tuesday, 16 August 2016
Thursday, 11 August 2016
There can be no doubt about it.
A quick circuit of the park and sure enough, there they are, the old man and his fat dog.
As an exercise in mathematics you could plot the timings and sightings on a graph, you would not be short of data to input.
Jim decides to ramp things up a bit and take four walks a day to see what might happen.
Despite quadrupling the walks, again at entirely random times, he bumps into bandana man and his seafaring dog who has somehow washed up on dry land.
After a few months of this they all begin to get familiar with each other. Being a civil kind of chap Jim doesn't feel comfortable with passing this man without some kind of acknowledgement. It’s one thing blanking a purple banana but the old man and his dog were meeting him with such regularity that it was becoming, for Jim at least, faintly embarrassing.
To get round the problem he resorts to the slightly desperate tactic of dodging the old man before getting too close. This was okay for a while although the tactic relied upon having somewhere convenient to dodge too. You wouldn’t, for example, want to barge through bushes and join an impromptu Lidl lager party would you now? Or suddenly appear like a wildlife explorer out of the bushes to trigger a nervous breakdown in a purple banana.
Worse still, the old man and the fat dog might start to notice that you were deliberately trying to avoid them.
Jim can only draw one conclusion: the man must spend his entire waking life walking his dog around the same park in perpetuity.
Jim returns to his desk, looks around the office and wonders.
Thursday, 4 August 2016
A whippet thin old man limps along with an old dog that limps along to conform with the dogs take after their owners theory. The man wears a red bandana and a gold necklace that gives him a vaguely nautical aspect and his dog has a great slobbering tongue mottled with flecks of dirt from the chomping of sticks that the old man continually throws for him.
Its legs are bowed from carrying the barrel of its body. Thin man, fat dog – a slight departure from the dog’s take after their owners theory although the dog also wears a red bandana knotted around its neck, along with a gold chain collar giving the dog a vaguely nautical aspect.
This seemingly innocent activity, an old man walking his dog, is driving Jim mad because at no matter what time he leaves his desk he always, without fail, encounters this old man and his dog.
The first few times he thought it was just coincidence. Then it started to get to him so badly that he changed his already erratic schedule and went into the park at deliberately random times.
Sure enough, bandana dog and his seafaring owner were always there.
This could only mean one thing…
Friday, 22 July 2016
At varying intervals in the day, Jim escapes the office and walks in the park with its museum of mostly living trees that attract eccentrics who maybe need a place to feel free of scrutiny.
Or perhaps they’re just plain strange and have no idea what they want.
Some, usually young men with no hair, wear vests to display their tattooed biceps whatever the weather and find shady Keatsian bowers where they can get smashed on Lidl lager and leap out like pantomime ghouls on especially nervous eccentrics.
The shock of some insightful observation squawked by a guffawing skinhead sage will further setback any hope that the nervous wreck will ever cope with the city streets again.
Probably the strangest sight is that of a woman who walks like a monk deep in meditation and always wears a purple onesie that looks like a purple banana peel. Even the Lidl lager poet/philosophers think twice before pouncing on a purple banana lost in prayer.
Whenever Jim takes these not entirely pleasurable walks to get away from the almost entirely miserable office the same curious event always happens…